41 Reflections

Today marks 14,976 days of life I’ve had on this Earth since my birth.

Closing in on 15,000 days of life feels pretty incredible. Certainly, the events of this past year in my life have been humbling and inspiring and give me hope. Beyond incredible time spent with my family and friends and out in nature, I’ve been blessed to take part in some fantastic experiences. 

I flew out to LA in January for filming for The UneXplained, I spoke on astrobiology and the cosmic perspective at Atlas Obscura’s Ecliptic Festival in April, I met up with great friends and discussed science and life at the Astrobiology Science Conference in Providence in May, spent nearly a month in Iceland over the summer leading a trip for Smithsonian Student Travel, and we just finished another incredible summer of the Young Scientist Program at BMSIS (including my experience getting to know three remarkable Tapaswini Sharma, Mila Vukonich, and Luisa Fernanda López Monzón, who all worked on my science communication project).

The weeks and months ahead also bring promise and excitement. I’ll be speaking on my views of the cosmic perspective for TEDxBoulder this month, will be traveling to see Europa Clipper launch in October, will be teaching an online course on astrobiology this fall, and may be representing BMSIS at the Exoplanets in Our Backyard and American Geophysical Union meetings.

Gosh, even just taking the time to write about these things and add hyperlinks for all of them forces me to think a bit reflectively on what this year has been and where it might be taking me next.

I recently came across a post of 20 self-reflection questions on LinkedIn by Colby Kultgen that inspired me to take a moment to sit in meditative thought.

Asking ourselves questions like “What can you improve by 1% today?”, “Who brings out the best in you?”, “What are you willing to struggle for?”, and “What part of your life needs to change?” might seem rather banal to some people. But living a thoughtful and examined life requires actually being thoughtful and examining one’s life. We have to remind ourselves regularly of our mortality, how we have cultivated our skills and experiences and where we could do better, how we have been inspired and inspired others, and how the moments of our lives fit into the larger context of the history of our world and our place in the cosmos. We must ask ourselves if we’ve done well in the act and art of living. 

Inspired by that list of reflective questions as well as Kevin Kelly’s lists of advice for living, I’ve decided to take some time today to carve out 41 reflections on life and living. I offer these here not only as reflections for myself, but for you to take some time to ponder for yourself. 

1. Who brings out the best in you?

There’s a quote that’s been attributed to so many people that I have no idea where it comes from, but some people say “If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room”. 

I don’t fully agree with that statement: sometimes you are going to be the best of something in whatever group you’re with, and we should be humble but also acknowledging of our own strengths and weaknesses. However, we also need to find ourselves among people and groups that inspire us to be better. People who push us, who bring out the best in us, who make us think. 

2. There are 365.25 days in a year. 24 hours in a day. 60 minutes in an hour. 60 seconds in a minute. That’s over 31 million seconds. 

Certainly you can take a few of those seconds to think about your year.

3. Envision yourself 10 years in the past. Who was that person? Would they recognize you today? Then consider who might be looking back 10 years from now.

I’d like to think my past self would be proud of where I am now. And I’d really like to think that my future self will be thankful for the choices I’ve made today. 

When we build out our longer term goals, it’s important to frame them within how we achieved (or failed to achieve) the goals of our past. 

4. Stop saying “I have too much going on” and instead reframe your work and living such that you don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed. 

5. No one has all of the answers. But the people you’ll want to spend the most time with are those who are the most thoughtful and humble about their questions.

6. Who do you owe an apology? Can you make that apology today?

This one hits hard for me. I’ve certainly wronged some people in my life. Some do deserve an apology. And I owe it to myself to make that apology.

Of that specific family member I mentioned above, I know that part of the problem is that we’ve both been too stubborn to offer fault in the disruption that led to our falling out. I’d love to find a way to make that apology, at least from my side of things.

7. People depend on you. You’ve made commitments to them and to yourself. You will know that you are being the person you want to be when you feel good about this fact.

8. What truth about yourself are you denying?

In many ways, this goes along with thinking of how to apologize for poor past actions. Do we owe ourselves an apology? Is there something about us we know that we could do better? What is holding us back from being that person we know we can be?

9. What part of your life needs to change, and why haven’t you done it yet?

I think it can be beneficial for all of us to think of who we want to be tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now, and beyond. But we often forget that in order to be that person, we often need to make changes now. The best time to plant a tree to enjoy its shade was probably 20 years ago. But the best time when it hasn’t been done yet is to do it right now.

10. What can you do to improve by 1% today?

Perfection is an asymptote. You’ll never get there. But through practice we can achieve progress. And progress is part of the art of living.

11. We now know of over 5,000 confirmed exoplanets. There may be over 1 trillion planets in our galaxy alone. We have to admit based on our current knowledge that we could be alone in the universe, but it really doesn’t feel like that could be the case.

12. Take a little time each day to be curious about something simple.

13. What’s something you love that you’ve given up? Can you start again?

I think there’s a lot to be said for challenging ourselves with different hobbies and experiences. But some of them serve us more than we realize until we think back on them. 

For me, I miss mountain biking. I’m going for a ride.

14. If your life was a book, what would you want the one-page summary to say?

Much like trying to imagine what your own eulogy may be when you die, you should consider how others see you. Are you a good person?

15. What are you willing to struggle for because it’s worth it?

Challenge for the sake of challenge. Too many people are living in ways where they can’t get enough food, they have no access to safe drinking water, they face stark realities in their personal safety. We can all do better for everyone, but we also must be thankful for what we have, no matter where we are in life.

16. How do you think about yourself in the past and the future?

Looking back on the past years can be challenging for those who spend little time in self-reflection. But we can all train ourselves to be more thoughtful by considering our lives in scales of space and time. 

Think of where you were yesterday. Think of where you were last week. Think of the past month. What was the best that you were? What could use some work?

Now build upon that and think of tomorrow, next week, next month, and the years ahead (should you be so lucky).

17. What action can you take in the next 5 minutes that you’ll be proud of?

It can be simple. Drink some water. Do some squats. Stretch your neck. Think at times of what you could do in the moment to be just a little better.

18. What’s your next step toward the life you want?

As Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

If he was thinking that way over 1,800 years ago, then certainly you can consider that today.

19. Who inspires you to be better?

If no one in your life inspires you in some manner or challenges you, then you may want to reconsider your approach to your social life.

20. Build a cabinet in your mind of the people who can help you

Build a personal mental cabinet of individuals from your life, from the past, from fiction, maybe from the future. Set them within your mind and ask them from time to time for advice on your actions and ideas. Revisit them when you need to. 

21. What fear is holding you back from achieving your dreams?

This one comes off a little trite at first. But fear is active in all of our lives. Is there something we fear to do or say or be? Will it hurt to face that fear, or is it just uncomfortable? I think you know the answer.

22. How do you define success, and are you working towards it?

Money might be the root of all evil, as they say, but damn is it nice to have some of it. 

Success for many people looks like luxury and laziness. And is often based on financial wealth. 

There’s nothing wrong with envisioning your success to include having the means to live as you wish, but you should also consider whether success for yourself includes you being a good person. If it does, then the real question is what do you need to do to be your version of a good person?

23. You’ve died and your body has been interred in a tomb. Visitors come to the tomb over the years and each scribbles one word in graffiti on your tomb. What does the cloud of words on the tomb look like as the years progress?

I think of Jim Morrison’s gravesite in Père Lachaise in France. If I had people who cared for my life, even if they were people who never met me in person or spent time with me, what would they want to share about me?

24. How far have you traveled this year in time and space?

You’re on a world that revolves and rotates around our star while our star system traverses a galaxy that itself is in gravitational attraction to other cosmic structures. Even if you could stand perfectly still, you’d still have traveled far. But consider now how much further you’ve gone, by choice. Our lives are motion. We must get out into the world to meet other people, to have new experiences, to live our lives.

25. What do you need to forgive yourself for?

It’s helpful to acknowledge not just our success and how much we’ve worked to achieve them, but also to be honest with ourselves about who we’ve been.

26. How can you bring more joy into your daily life?

Happiness is deeper when we seek meaningful experiences and find joy, even in the smallest and most mundane things. What can you do today to be happy?

27. What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?

We spend far too much time hindering ourselves out of the sheer fear of how others will view us. Dance like no one is watching. Let your soul be free. Who are you?

28. Spend more time reading and writing and listening and speaking. Hone your craft!

29. What habits have held you back from being the person you want to be?

This is one I’ve thought about a lot lately. It’s so easy to think of where we want to be in our lives, but we also have to put in the work to get there. 

As Archilochus is quoted, “We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training.” 

Some habits that give us our little hits of serotonin or make life seem easy aren’t the worst thing. Life includes struggle. We should enjoy simple things sometimes. But it is so very easy for that to get out of hand. Social media may provide an outlet for engaging with others on intriguing ideas, but it’s also built to keep us addicted to scrolling. Foods that are loaded with sugar can make for a fun treat, but it’s saddening how many of us have grown into regular consumption of stuff like soda, candy, and processed foods full of sugars. I personally love drinking good whiskey and wines, but it is also so easy for alcohol consumption to become far too regular a part of our lives (this is honestly one that I have struggled with a lot over this past year). It’s helpful to ask ourselves about our own habits and whether they actually serve us.

30. Are your actions aligned with what you want, or just what others expect?

This is an important way of framing our current approach to living: are we living as ourselves or as others want us to be?

We’re all born into a world that demands of us a certain way of being. No matter how free we are in our minds nor how much capacity we have for freedom in society, there are still limitations and bounds upon our character, our words, and our actions. Are we embodying a life that honors and respects the bounds that are necessary to live respectfully and civilly while also challenging ourselves in our experience and ensuring that we truly are living? For myself, such a question instantly reveals places where I know I could do better and be better, for myself as well as for those around me.

31. Whenever you take the time to judge someone, you’re really just judging yourself. Are you kind enough and honest enough to know where the judgment comes from?

32. What’s one uncomfortable but helpful thing you could do today?

“No pain, no gain” is a bunch of bullshit. Pain is not weakness. Pain is your body telling you that you are pushing past the limits of safety and likely to get injured. 

The problem with our modern society, though, is that many people can’t tell the difference between pain and discomfort. 

Some of the things that are uncomfortable are also the things that we need to do to grow. 

33. What would your ideal week look like? How can that become your regular experience?

Remember this always: build a life that you don’t have to escape from. 

If your ideal week is one of “vacation”, luxury, “taking a break”, having no challenge, consumption, simple pleasure… are you living an ideal life?

Maybe rather than thinking of what an ideal week would be like, we should ask ourselves how we can make the ideal week our regular experience for nearly every week for the rest of our lives.

34. How do you think you’ll be remembered after you die?

I think of this a lot in regard to a well-lived life. Am I building a life where others will remember me for the good I’ve brought into their lives? 

I have a specific family member who no longer speaks to me. That person never quite learned how to have emotionally challenging conversations, nor how to think beyond the immediate sphere of their own life. 

I wonder for someone like them: do they think they’ll be remembered as a good person?

35. Science, philosophy, religion, mythology… there are stories of our lives that we carry on from our ancestors to help us understand where we are in the universe right now. What stories are we passing on to our children and our children’s children?

36. What’s getting too much attention from you? What’s not getting enough?

I have this habit of re-playing old video games, re-watching old shows, and re-reading old books. I think many of us do. 

There’s so much value to find in coming back to ideas and stories and reconsidering them. In the process, I often even find myself thinking back on the moments from before in my own life when I played those games or read those books, where I was sitting or what was going in my life at the time.

But it’s also easy to get carried away with watching old shows as “background noise” or reading an old book again just because it’s easy. 

I know in my own life that new stories and new books and new ideas need to get more attention.

37. Who can be a mentor to you? 

No matter what phase of our lives we’re in, we can use support and guidance from others. But is someone able to be your mentor? How can they help you?

38. It’s a sad truth that most people won’t spend time reflecting on their lives or thinking beyond their immediate experiences. We can try to understand them and empathize with their existence, even if we know it’s not one we would ever want to live.

39. What one thing are you most hopeful for in the coming year?

40. Live intentionally. The arguments between free will and a determined universe stem mostly from a lack of knowledge than anyone actually having a clue about how things work. Live today like you mean it. 

41. How would you comfort a version of you who was in pain in the past?

There have been times when others have been there for you. That means a lot. 

But how would you have been there for you?